Self Talk: Be Kind and Rewind

It has been a rather busy few days. I had a large meeting on Thursday, followed by a fancy dinner with coworkers. Friday at work was chaotic and hectic, a whirlwind from the time I woke up. The evening was the fun kind of busy. A good time out on the town, but I did witness a bar fight.  I wish I was kidding. (Jesus, people are so angry these days.)

I wanted to write during those days, however I decided to not stress about it and just accept that sometimes life’s plans are different than my own. That wasn’t my initial reaction. That sounded more along the lines of, “Well, I managed to write 5 posts before I fell off the wagon, abandoned all 3 people that read this, and drove the inspiration van off a cliff.”

I had to bring myself back to reality. I’d love to commit to writing daily, but that is just not always in the cards. Much like how you would love to commit to reading, but we both know life isn’t always going to give you the time to do that alongside of all your other responsibilities.

Let’s make a promise to each other, shall we? I will try my best to write each day and you will try your best to read it, but we will give each other and ourselves grace and kindness on those days that life hijacks our schedules and says “nope”.  😉

We can all be too hard on ourselves at times. Everyone. I try not to talk in platitudes, but this one is literally true. We get mad at ourselves for eating too much, saying the wrong thing, not saying anything, not getting all of our to-do list checked off, spending too much, forgetting a simple thing, being tired, being hyper, being sick, being too focused on one thing, not being able to focus, missing a call, or a gazillion other things that we believe we should have complete control over.

There is a difference between deciding to work on an area of your life and tearing yourself apart for being you. It’s all in the tone you use when you are coaching yourself. Are you using the soft, gentle voice of a yoga instructor or do you sound like Samuel L. Jackson as a hockey coach?

The goal is to get where you want to be, but it would be better to not arrive with your spirit beaten and bruised. We wouldn’t allow someone to speak to us the way we speak to ourselves. The harsh, hateful critic that rips you down to your core. The scolding voice that says you never do anything right. That voice is an unproductive, asshole that needs to be told to sit down and shut up. We deserve better.

I am definitely guilty of this. But over the years, I have tried to recognize when it is happening. When I realize what I am doing, I stop, breathe, and change my tone. Change the approach. Soften and offer myself support, understanding, love, and focus on a plan. I try to figure out what went wrong, so I can either accept it or figure out a way to stop it from happening in the future.

The above example is one I just had to accept. My work event was important, and it needed my full attention. It was a positive experience that only happens once in a while, so it made sense to me to accept that I probably wouldn’t get a chance to write. I made peace with it and moved on.

The busy and hectic day on Friday was frustrating, but it was also necessary and understandable because I was doing both Thursday’s and Friday’s work due to the meeting the day before. I didn’t get a chance to go to lunch, which is where I normally do some of my writing. The rest I do at night, but I went out Friday night. Now, I could have woken up earlier on Friday to have some scheduled time for writing. In the future, that might be what I do. But I hadn’t thought of that and honestly, I wanted the sleep. So, I accepted that one, too.

However, I drank a little too much on Friday night and am feeling it. Why? I am normally a beer and wine drinker. I like knowing exactly how much I am drinking, making it easier to know where I am intoxication wise. But, I have decided to try to cut calories and carbs when it comes to drinking, so I switched to vodka sodas. It’s harder to keep track because all bartenders are not created equally, and some are very heavy handed. This is one, I can’t just accept. I have to be more careful and cut it down so I don’t blow up the day after with a stupid hangover. There are things I can do to help with that — drink more water, make sure to eat enough food (this is where I messed up last night), drink slower, pay better attention to what I’m consuming (and here), watch the pour if I can, stop drinking (ok, that last one probably isn’t going to happen in totality for me anytime soon, and I’m ok with that. Judge if you must.) However, what won’t help is raking myself over the coals for screwing it up last night. I, mean, I’m already being punished by the hangover after all.

So, do you see what I did there? Do you think you can try to go a little easier on yourself? This doesn’t mean to give yourself a free pass to do whatever you want, consequence free. But it does mean to try to grow while also protecting the integrity of your mental health. Recognize that you are worthy of love and that you are a primary source of that love. Understand that how you speak to yourself matters. Learn when to just accept, and if it is something that needs to change for the future — then ask questions to get to the Why and the How. Come up with a plan. Accept that unless you own a time machine, you can’t change the past–so you have to let that shit go. Let’s both practice healthy self talk and love no matter what life throws at us. We can’t control life, but we can control how we react to it.

So, today I wrote. Tomorrow, I will try.   And, maybe you will be able to read it.

P.S. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to read this.

 

 

 

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